So when my children were teenagers, I noticed that they were struggling. My daughter had worked some, but she had found a way to overcome a mini part of it so that outwardly she seemed like things were pretty good, they weren't necessarily perfect, but they were pretty good. And then with my son, his struggles were very noticeable externally, and It's cool. It's social life and working in many of these areas; I could see that struggle and that he didn't have the skills to overcome those, so I felt like I couldn't help him. I didn't know what else to do to help him. And so when I run into somebody who sounds interesting, can you help me with a sign? And he says, of course, I can help your son, but if I'm to help your son, I want to learn this. If I'm going to help you with something, then you get to come and discover this as well. And he knew. Then you know what? I may be new, but wasn't this airily in the front of my mind that we can't teach children? Things that we don't have. You might say, oh, but I am successful. You know, maybe you are, perhaps you aren't. So possibly that first go. You're right. I don't have that, but I want that for my children.

I did well in school, and I was a person who did well in school. And so why is my son struggling, you and Alan? When our child is working, it's not necessarily that, you know, because I did well in school, then I should be able to teach my son how to do well in school. Why did I do well in school? And so it's not about doing well in school, but why I did well in school and seeing those pieces and some of those little pieces that have nothing to do with the outcome of having good grades. That made the difference. So for me, one of the things. As a parent, I used my children for, you know, to feel good about myself, and one way that I did that. That doesn't mean it's your way, but please look and see what's your way; maybe one way I did it was always being right. And, of course, I wasn't right 100% of the time. But I was right so often.

My children are like, oh, mom knows, you know, and I, you know, and I say, OK, this is what's going to happen. If they're making a choice or anything like that, I might say, you know, you could do that or, you know, do it this way because I know what the outcome will be. And in my mind, I'm going, you know, I'm helping my children there so that they can, you know, do better, exceed, and make those choices that would benefit them most, that’s where I was in my head and so. Once I saw my children struggling, and once I met this person, he became my mentor, Lamont Wilcox. He was able to teach movies about my brain and about life that shifted how I was thinking. And then I could see that I was right and telling my children, well, you could do that. And I always gave him a choice, and then they would often make a different choice. You know, children, they don't. I always like to listen to us, especially when presenting this. I'm right; I didn't mean to, but that's what I was doing. And so, you know, you should listen to me so that when they choose something opposite goes as I told you, aren't you pretty miserable right now but what did that Longview of what that did was? It took away their opportunity to learn, make mistakes, and overcome them.

It’s okay to make mistakes, not always to do it right, and to feel like a capable person; I can make decisions, they can be wrong, and I'll still come out at the end. It became, you know, moms, right? I need somebody externally to help me make a decision, to tell me what to do. I mean, that's not every little aspect of their life making them choose the clothes they wear, but you know, I had taken that opportunity and those important decisions that help children to fulfill their potential.

I was unaware of the long-term consequences, and sometimes we get stuck there that we want this for our children so badly that we take away those opportunities for them to realize their potential and that they're capable of learning, of overcoming things. And again, that one was my situation, but if you look at this good thing like I was doing something beneficial and good for my children in doing this. But it wasn't until they started growing older, that I was going, “why aren't they doing this? Why can't they feel confident? Why aren't they fulfilling that potential that I was able to see whole?” I had played a really big part in that. And then, not to feel bad about it, because our children can take on that too. If I start going, I just ruin my children and all this stuff like, “oh, I can't believe it, I'm such a terrible mom.” Then what energy is mine? Please, my children, pick me up then, “oh, that they're broken, that they're ruined.” Set all of these things because, like now, I'm feeling bad, and please make me feel good by becoming the person you are. And so, It can be tricky, which is why I wanted to use myself as that example just to help maybe you to begin to look and say what I am doing that I think is benefiting my children, but in reality, it's to learn about themselves.

To realize their potential. So I hope this just opened your eyes to be willing to take a closer look and see again. That doesn't make us bad parents. That just means we're doing the best we could with what we have now and as we get more. Then we can do more for our children, and it ends up doing more for us. When I no longer believe in my children, giving me that sense of, “I'm doing a good job, I'm alright, or that uniqueness in me” allows them to reach their full potential. I did that myself. My parents weren't perfect, and I'm so grateful for the things they gave me to overcome so that I can become who I am. I sometimes laugh with my children and go; that's why I'm allowing you to overcome that by admitting “I wasn't perfect.” I did. Because of the programs or some thought patterns, they get to overcome, how great is it that they have that to overcome so that they can step into their full potential and remember that we have that privilege, that opportunity to raise these great kids by their very nature. It's our responsibility to teach them to raise people. And I will see you in another episode.