Other children may say they lack this and ask how to get it. Oh, I'm going to get all down, I'm going to get all mopey, and then mom's going to come and see what's wrong with me and try and fix it for me. So, attitudes come from what our children are focused on. And then how are they expecting us to respond? We've often responded similarly in the past. And if I do this, I know I'm going to get this kind of reaction or attention, or they will try and help me in this way because they've done that. In the past. And so. It's essential when we look at our attitude that we really look beyond that attitude and help change. We can help to change our children's attitudes by assisting them to see what they're focusing on. And we would do that by asking them questions or making statements that can be open-ended like this is not necessarily a statement of fact. This is a statement of clarification because sometimes, direct questions can put children off depending on what is right and in each situation. Or they can really bring out the answers so we can make a statement. Wow, you really feel like it. Like you really want that? And I've said no, you know, tell me about that. Or we would open it up. Wow, I can tell that's important to you. I wonder what makes that so important to you. I would really love to hear about it. Yeah. And when we ask these questions with that real intention, if you do it because Cindy said I need to say this or Cynthia said I should try this. And it's just about stepping through a process, then you're not going to get as much out of it, and it can still be beneficial. So, if you're not quite to another level yet, please try it and see how that works because it's that striving. And that learning and doing that will help us become better parents and become more aware of our interactions with our children.
What is our child's need, and how am I playing a part because we are 100% playing a role? As a parent, our child's behaviors, not because we intend it this way, but just because of those interactions we've had in the past and our children trying to get that same or similar attention, reaction, or need met. And so. When we're aware of that, and we're aware of our children and how we're responding to them, children, right? They know how to push our buttons. They learned that a long time ago, from the very beginning, because we're so closely intertwined that they know. What Bush and what buttons to push to get us to respond angrily, or to contact us to feel sad or sorry, or to get us to respond in a way that they want? And even though they may wish to do it, they don't necessarily know what's good or beneficial for them. So, when we become aware and Of ourselves and the needs we're trying to meet, or the fears we're trying to avoid, then that helps us to respond to our children in a way that doesn't. Create feeding into patterns we've had in the past. So, when we do this with love, with a desire to understand, listen and get to know our child, perhaps we will change our mind on certain things because we didn't understand fully, because it's not necessarily about our children being obedient all the time, it's about us getting it to know them allows them to be a person. Sometimes we're in there, and children are supposed to obey. They're supposed to do what they're told. They're supposed to be perfect. And we get caught up in having our child be a certain way that we forget they're an individual or how to interact with our child in a way that helps them to feel like an individual because when children are little, right, they need us for all of their needs. They need food. They're uncomfortable. Their diapers need changing. They cry. And we're right there to give that to them. And then they get older. And they begin to separate from us.
The toddler that toddles away from us, but they keep looking back, like, is this good? Am I still OK? Is it still safe? And they might return to us before they go out again, right? Because we're that safe, comfortable spot, you know they're going off to school and getting a lot more input from outside. We want things to be well for our child, and we think we know what that is, and to a certain extent if we do right, we will.
We know what is harmful to them: drugs and alcohol. Doing unsafe behaviors is not what we want for our child, or that will benefit our child. But the truth is we don't know what exactly will help our child. So, when we allow our children to have the discovery process, then they will be more able to step into who they are. We're not suppressing who they are. And so, when it comes to our children's attitudes. Look at where this attitude is coming from. What is their focus on? And sometimes, it's not what we think. It might be that they felt unheard or unloved. And really, they're seeking that love, or they're seeking that acknowledgment that they're individuals and have choices of their own. It's looking at that focus helping to help them shift their focus, and we do that by asking questions and making open statements that allow for feedback for being in a place of seeking and not a place of judgment. And demands. So, remember, children are great by their very natures, and we have that opportunity, that privilege and that responsibility to raise them.
