Let's talk about that a little bit, because that is one of the things I hear a lot of because I don't like those disagreements. They feel yucky. I avoid them. In avoiding them, we create struggles for ourselves and our children often pick up on those patterns and they either take them in and tweak them to become even more so for them or they can go extreme the other way in avoiding what they see.
The more typical pattern is to pick it up so you'll have those few that go extremely the other way. When we have a disagreement, we live in a world that has very conditional love. A lot of people watch a lot of TV shows and movies and even though we know those are TV shows and movies, we still will begin subconsciously too. Kind of expect or promote those patterns of thinking. Not super helpful, and we don't do it consciously, but it's kind of like subconscious programming.
They do a lot of research for commercials for movies to really try and impact us because that's where they make their money. And they do a pretty darn good job of it and when we see, like even playing out on the TV shows, a way of reacting or responding to something over time, and especially the younger we watch it, it really can create that sense this is how I'm supposed to respond. This is an OK response. This is a typical response. Society tells us if somebody hurts our child, then It's fine to respond with anger or grumpiness, or to judge that other parent who has this child, or to label this child that hits our child in need or unsafe or things like that. We have this disagreement that could be between adults and that is a disagreement about this child's behavior towards our child. If we have disagreements in all parts of our life, but it's how we handle that that really makes that different.
In a world where we grew up rarely seeing unconditional love, or maybe not seeing it at all, then a disagreement feels like to many of us as a removal of love that we're not. Say that we're being treated as less as those other people that are less now, they're unsafe. They're not going to help us. They're going to make us feel stuck because then we won't be able to resolve this struggle. There is a lot that goes into that.
What if I show you a way to change how you see those disagreements to be able to approach those with unconditional love and a way that will actually help find solutions. A solution can be never be going to that playground in case that other child is there or I'm just going to hold it all inside till I run. Or I'm just gonna say it out there just any way I want because that's how I feel and so I can just say it anyway I want.
Let them know how you feel and those often don't bring us what we want and so if it doesn't bring us what we want, the interactions we want, and the feelings that we want.Why do we do it? It happens a lot of times because of that unconscious programming. And yes, TV can be one, but our parents obviously are a huge one.
As parents, we're that huge one for our children, they are seeing us and they feel our energy. Even when we try to hide something, it still is part of our energy and our children are really great at picking up on that. Even though we, parents are smiling, they will know if we are angry and just faking it. Even though we told them that it was OK, they will know if you are telling them the truth or not, then there's going to be some judgment there. And so it gets really tricky.
What would that be like if you could learn a pattern, a model for noticing your behaviors, feelings, and being able to see why you're feeling that way and to be able to change not just because you are coping with a disagreement or coping with your feelings or happy with the situation, it may be better than suffering because underneath, coping is suffering. Is that really all we want out of life is to be? That's what I am doing. That's what I want for all those around me now that I've figured out how to experience that because for a good portion of my life and for a large portion of raising my children, I wasn't able to do that. I didn't understand.
In school, I was working with a behavior therapist. I was working with a school psychologist to help students. I was going and seeing a psychologist myself just for my personal life and they were all into helping me cope because this is what I had. My anxiety and my depression. They like to label and then they work to help you cope with that label. That's who I am. I am depressed. I am anxious and we talked that way and that's just who you are. How can I cope with that but the model I teach. When we go into coping, when you use the model, there's something going on that I can change to create the life that I want.
So when you take whatever it is you're coping with, you stick it in the model and it comes out. You can go through the model and out the other side it is a whole new life we're coping doesn't even exist but that life that you want is there that you're creating. This model allows you to create that at a high rate.
The people who were like me who've gone to psychologists who have been on medication taking their child to everything they could possibly need them. But when they find this model, their OCD that was keeping them on the couch, that was keeping them from school, that was having them really freaking out at school. They're whatever label they have now it's like. I'm not sure why they labeled them, because that's not a thing for my child or for me anymore.
What if we learn this model to help our children? Whether you want to learn the model to help yourself so you can help your child. Or if you're thinking you need more help for your child, then it's going to have that repercussion that wants repercussions of helping. Remember, children are great by their very nature and we have that privilege and responsibility to raise our children.
