The number one thing that I found for helping children develop that skill is awareness. Starting with body awareness and the mind is thinking awareness. But when the younger children is starti with body awareness and if your children are older and they haven't had an opportunity to learn that, then that is really where you would start. But with older children sometimes you can do both at the same time if they're missing that body awareness. So when children are struggling, you'll see so many children nowadays are diagnosed with a DD or ADHD, attention deficit or hyperactivity and lots of things that really relate to their body and being in control or out of control of their body.
We can go even deeper into what those emotions might feel like in their body to help them become aware. There are times that I let children check in with their bodies. I'll just pause whether we're washing dishes, an activity at school, if we're at church, or if we're at a worship service. Check in with your body and just become aware of what we might be feeling and see when our arms might wanna be moving like when a lot of people will jiggle there.
Activities in their body to kind of express what's going on, and that doesn't make any of those things inappropriate or incorrect. It's about becoming aware and checking in. Is this an appropriate time to express this? So when it comes to younger children, or again, if the older children have it yet, had an opportunity to really become aware, 'cause we think, oh, that's just something they become aware just naturally as they grow older, and that is very often not the case until it is completely brought from their subconscious brain to their aware brain, their consciousness.
It's not something they may even notice. We'll go through checking in with our bodies. Is there a part that feels tight or itchy? Some people consider that need to move as itchy or different ways to describe it and with young children will give a. Words that describe it or could describe it, is that more tight or does it feel wiggly or itchy? Is it relaxed or does it feel scrunched? You won't ask. You know this or that question. Sometimes we're completely wrong, and it's neither of those, but what we're doing is we're giving the children an opportunity to hear words, to check in with themselves.
As we do it a couple times, they say it starts with me giving them some examples, some choices of what it could be. Then that gives them the opportunity as we talk more and have more experiences with it to give me their words. So check in, use the vocabulary, and don't wait for things to be crazy before checking in. Learn to just check in when things are calm and then, as we notice things might be escalating. They already know what they're looking for and they can feel that difference in their body and so comparison is huge. That's why it's so important to check in with them when things are calm, when things are regulated, when they're not anti all over the place.
Starting to go stir crazy so that they know what that feels like and then when we check in again, as soon as we can check in as we notice those changes, are those differences the earlier response we can have if we don't catch it and they're super escalated, you're going to wait to know if that's something that's appropriate for your family.
What did that feel like? Because if they're super escalated, that's really not the time you want to help de-escalate. Giving space is needed for varying situations. So check in the vocabulary, noticing the differences so they can compare. When is it? What does it feel like when my body is calm and regulated? What does it feel like when I'm having a strong emotion which will be different than when I'm dysregulated?
Though strong emotions can lead to dysregulation, check in with those things. Do what kind of age is appropriate. I'm gonna put it out there for some of us as adults, we haven't really done this ourselves. We might do it a little bit like just before we explode, we might notice we're a certain way, but like how early can we notice it as adults?
Another great thing we can do with our children is use self talk. We can't even talk with the youngest children sticking with their bodies but then adding in things as time progresses. I really feel that pounding in my head or am I having trouble thinking clearly? Things like that. If we talk out loud, what are we going to do about it? I'm gonna breathe a couple of deep breaths and see if that helps my tight muscles to relax. I'm going to sing a song 'cause when we sing songs, when we do things that use our vocal cords and in an open way, that can help stimulate the nerve, which helps us calm or we can do a couple of yoga positions. Whatever it is that you want to try, do something different if you feel it in your body. Learning different techniques that could benefit using our bodies to help regulate our bodies. But in our minds telling our bodies that you've noticed this is what you’re gonna choose to do, because you've noticed it. Remember, children are great by their very nature. We have that responsibility and that privilege of raising them.
