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CYNTHIA ARMSTRONG

Looking For Improvement Relieves Stress

By Cynthia Armstrong

Last episode I talked about helping children to look for improvement in their activities, and I did. Still a school scenario. That's what was on my mind at the time, but I want to talk a little bit more about that. I had some comments and people who reached, not to me, but we're a little concerned that it would stress children out constantly and be looking for improvement.

I'm going to talk about why that isn't the case. Depending on the speed that we're giving to our children, because what children get out of things has a lot to do with us. Our school system here in America is broken, and there's a lot that is coming down that isn't helpful to children and don't take you out, there's a lot of good things this well, but there's some really basic ones that I think we're growing up with and then the next generation is also growing up with and so it's like compounding and intensifying over that.

How are children looking for improvement that doesn't stress them out? It's true! Depending on us, right? The parents, we are the adults that are teaching this to our children. In life, one of the things that stress us out is what we allow to stress us out and it's external, anything external does not have to stress us out unless we allow it.

But one of those things is thinking there's an end, right? We need to reach this point, and if we reach this point, then everything's good. I need to get that in the class. Once I have that in the class or the A in the semester, the A's all in this semester that everything's good. If I do XYZ, Then my kids are going to turn out a. We get this fixed mindset where there's an end. And it's the end that stresses us out. It's like we've got to reach this idea of perfection, this ending point, this thing outside of ourselves that means we’ve made it. That means we've succeeded. That means I'm an OK person. That means other people like me but you need to reach that destination.

That is the true cause of stress, that belief in us, that it's the destination that's important. To them, we can only do what we can do. Children interpret things their way, but we can help them reach the belief, conclusion or idea we want.

If we tell them that it's not about the end destination, but then they see us commenting on something from word or something from our spouse or something from where there's an end, then we're giving them two mixed messages. We're giving them the “Oh no! You don't need to do that. Just improve, and you're good.” Then turning around saying, “but for me and the world, we need to reach this end destination.” So… Are we being authentic in teaching this to our children to really believe this ourselves or are they giving those mixed messages from what we're saying and how we're interacting with them and what we're saying and how we're interacting? With the world and with ourselves. So when it comes to. That improvement. Then our vision, our belief is that the journey itself is worthwhile. The things that we learn and that we grow from any experience that comes our way and this is why. People who have a growth mindset don't get derailed by tragedy and I'm putting those air quotes on there, those tragic events of the world or a personal life. It's hard. That's just another experience we're having that we're going to be learning from and improving ourselves from. Improve our understanding, our ability to feel with other people, and improve ourselves from any aspect of our life.

It's up to us to find what that is. If we're not searching for that, then it's not going to happen the way you wanted it or how you expected it to be. I think that we've all had at some point in our lives, and we are brought down by themes instead of brought up by it. It doesn't mean we don't have to experience the whole gambit of our emotions because we all have those emotions and they play a part in our life. It's understanding the part of emotions, the learning and the teaching.

The reason all of us have those emotions, even those ones that other people might consider as negative or bad, they have a purpose. When they're not negative or bad for us, if we have that belief, but we understand the message that it's bringing to us, then you can improve and change the emotions we want more of in our life because there are certain emotions that you don't wan to live with, but visiting them brings a lot too. There's the ones that I prefer to live in and have more abundantly in my life.

That's why children are looking for improvement. In the real sense of the word, which is that journey rather than the destination. That's why we parents have such an important part in our kids' life and why it doesn't stress our kids out. When we are authentic, wanting to improve and demonstrating in our own lives, in our own actions, in our own comment that improvements and noticing when we're not there and pointing it out the word. Remember children are great by their very natures and we have the privilege, opportunity and responsibility to raise them.