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CYNTHIA ARMSTRONG

Teaching Responsibility For Emotions

By Cynthia Armstrong

Our happiness and our joy in life revolves around our emotions. What if we were able to teach our children to be responsible for their own emotions so that there's no fear of somebody taking away their joy or their happiness and there's not the struggle that you need to get it from somebody else.

I am talking about a responsibility for our own emotions. As parents it can be really hard. If we haven't been taught explicitly how our emotions are controlled by us, then it's really hard for us to teach our children. Emotions can be very strong and can be very intense whether we love intensely or angry intensely. Emotions can be very strong and feel almost like their out of control at times and that we don't have a choice in our feelings, but in reality, if we understand what leans to our emotions, then we can understand how to be responsible for our emotions and take control of them to have the emotions that we would rather experience.

I know that's like a huge thing.It was huge when I first learned it because I didn't think I had real control over emotions. I've been told that I could, but I didn't understand. How did you feel? Impossible and when we go to teach children, I've got something we want to happen, able to practice and apply in our own lives. If you think about it, if someone crashes into our car, then sometimes we feel like we should be angry, or we have a right to be angry. Or if somebody hits our child, then we feel like yes, I should be upset and angry. Or my child has every right to be upset and angry, and in reality they do. That's their right.

Our children have a right to choose however they want to feel. Being upset and angry. What's really going to fulfill us or bring us joy? In the moment that somebody just hit my child or somebody just wrecked into my car? Am I supposed to feel joy? Well, why not? Why not feel joy? I mean, what is something that can come from those situations? If you choose to feel joy in them, or then maybe you choose to be angry or upset.

Maybe that seems like too much to ask right now. Maybe you just want to feel something like this. It is for my good. What good is going to come out of this? That's one of the things we can do to choose how we feel. If you didn't quite catch it, I asked myself a question. I asked what good can come out of it? What benefit can come out of this? And so then it redirects my brain. To feel what I want that there's something that's going to come from this. I'm curious to see what it is.

Is it a kind of take away not to be joyful 'cause maybe I don't want to be joyful right there as long as all of our emotions are okay, but if I'm able to switch. What am I looking for? What am I expecting? I'm expecting to be angry and upset because somebody has caused me harm and caused my child harm or my property harm. I didn't necessarily want that to happen. I wasn't expecting it to happen. But I wonder what good is going to come from this 'cause I know good comes from everything that I experience and so then we can start looking for that and if we can apply it in one situation then we go home. Remember how that worked to try and get it to work in another situation and look for something that you learned from it. Did I create a new friendship? Stop trying to handle this situation. Did you feel content because you allowed someone else the opportunity to grow and you contribute to society and not? That doesn't mean that we allow people to hit our child. There's no responsibility for wrecking into my car. We can still have people take responsibility for their actions. But that doesn't mean we have to give up our responsibility for our own feelings and our own emotions.

And when our children see us doing that and our automatic response isn't grumpiness and isn't anger and isn't depression, the world is against me. Our children pick up on that as they are always watching, they're always seeing us. They feel our energy and that's what they're picking up and what they're learning. Children don't learn from what we say, they learn from what they see us do. We can say something over and over again and but still they don't pick it up because that's not how they learn. They learn by that observation.

These are subtle things that we teach indirectly, and that is from our example. You see, like a lot of the families that have been rich for generations, they used to think that because of genetics, we're just genetically superior to those around us. But we're finding out it's not a genetic thing. It's a learning thing. It's how their brains were wired from childhood, because they have it. They can continue to teach it, and so we can break cycles in our families of unhelpful thought patterns. It's not necessarily that we're just prone to ADHD, my family has ADHD or my family just has anxiety. That's just part of our family, right? We can take control of our emotions.

Number one way is asking ourselves questions, because that changes. What are we looking for in this situation? Are we looking to be angry and upset because that's what we thought is expected? Are we looking for something to benefit us for what I can learn from this? Or do I see my responsibility in this?

The questions you ask yourself have kind of your expectations. Do I have a pre-planned way to respond in different situations? So remember children are great by their very nature and we have the privilege and responsibility to raise them.