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CYNTHIA ARMSTRONG

The Psychological Need of Certainty In Children

By Cynthia Armstrong

Today I wanted to talk about that basic first human psychological meaning we have, and that is for certainty.

Today I'm talking a little deeper about that first psychological need that all people have, whether we're adults or children, and that is certainty. If we look at certainty a little deeper, we can call it safety. We could call it comfort. We could give some other definitions of that certainty.

And I like to talk about certainty because it plays a part in all the other psychological needs. If we weren't sure that we could meet those other psychological needs, we wouldn't put in the effort to meet them. Certainty, surety, comfort and kind of control, if we didn't have that, then all the other needs that we couldn't beat, we wouldn't put in the effort to meet them. But if we think about children, infants, they have no ability to take care of themselves in any manner.

We develop certainty as our parents, as our family, as whoever our caregiver maybe comforts us and cares for us and helps us to meet our physical needs, then that helps us to develop that beginning of certainty in meeting our psychological needs and when we look at all the different statistics, if we look at different research out there like the children in Romania.

We have psychological needs that need to be met too, and that certainty which is comfort and safety, some of the later ones which lead to connection and those must be there. Without it, things just fall apart in our lives and so as we get older.

We have often developed reliance on other people to meet that certainty, safety, control, and comfort for us and it really helps us to begin to meet those needs ourselves and not meet our children to behave a certain way or our spouse to use certain language or a way of communicating with us. This need is a very basic one and we learn from infancy to meet it externally and it's switching to meeting it internally that really helps us to just excel in life to find joy and happiness and to be able to meet some of those other needs and another research that was done, they have discovered that neglect is more harmful on children.

So much learning that just happens and we don't do it on purpose. We can’t say. A lot around that meeting those needs of being able to learn. Certainty feeds into all of the other needs. It's not just certainty, but it starts there. If we look today, there's another kind of little drop and things that are happening for our children. If you take a look and consider some of the things that are already happening.

If we're nursing our baby or even if we're feeding them, it's not the bottle or formula or. It's that gazing at our infant and them gazing back, that fires all kinds of things.

Those things we’re not even aware of, we’re teaching that certainty that leads to connection, that love. As you look at helping them to meet the need for your children as their younger, you are helping them to develop independence as they get older. Remember that children are great by their very nature, and we have that privilege and responsibility to raise them.