That really can accelerate their learning. So significance, what is the significance? So significance, in this case, is that feeling that we're important and affect the world around us because we're in the world. We have an impact on it. We're part of something; when our children meet that externally, they often seek praise. This is one of the reasons children might become praise junkies. Please comment on my cute clothes. Please tell me how great I am as children get older, then I've got to be top in my class. I have to win the awards. At work, I need all the praise and that I'm meeting my significance from other people. Telling me how significant I am. And this is not helpful because then we're dependent upon other people, other people and circumstances and situations, then become responsible for our significance. How likely is that to benefit us? How likely are we to be able to meet that significance at any time? Yeah, it's not very reasonable. People let us down all the time.

Situations change all the time. And so if we don't have that internally, then we can feel depressed. We can feel anxious; we can feel angry. We might become mad because somebody took that from us or didn't give it to us when we deserved it. Or needed it or wanted it right, and so. This significance can play a large part in behaviors. If they can't get that significance from what they do, children are not the smartest kid in class, or at least academically. They aren't the most skilled football players, basketball players, or soccer players. If they don't have some way to externally meet that significance and haven't learned to see it internally, they will act out.

If you take siblings, right? I am important to my brother. If I go up and I slap my brother, I am very significant to him at that moment. If a mom asks me to do something and I start yelling or swearing, or I refuse, and I get my mom all riled up, or I get whoever's listening in all riled up, then wow, am I significant to them? And children are not thinking this; they're not saying how I can meet my significance.

This is subconsciously going on so often when we ask young or old children why they did that. What do they do? Most times, they just shrug their shoulders, or they blame, well, he did that or I wanted that. Or they'll blame or just give us that. I don't know. And they don't consciously know all the time. So huge, right? What does that mean for you when you're with your children when you see your children's behaviors? If your teenage daughter starts dressing in more revealing clothes, right? Maybe that's how they get their significance from the looks and the comments from others. If your child wants to bulk out and does drugs to do that right, they're meeting. They could be. That's one of the things they could be meeting. Is that significant? You know, because I'm going to get comments on how big and bulked out I am. All right, lots of problems around meeting needs of significance externally like that can bring a lot of pain into our lives and our children's lives. So how do we meet that internally, then? How do we feel that I'm essential to the world? Am I important? My existence means something. One of the most significant ways to meet that significance is if there is a religious belief and not necessarily a religion. Still, that belief that I am part of something more prominent outside of myself, I am a child of God. I am part of the universe. I am connected to all things if we have that. Uh. That belief of our existence is essential for being impactful just because we are. Then that really helps us to meet that need internally.

So if you don't have a belief of that nature, and it doesn't matter what belief that is, but just that you have it and that you feel it or your child has it, and they feel it, we can also just have that. The idea of unconditional love. Like I love people. And it can be simple. It can be that I got that tall, that box higher up or that bottle higher up at the grocery store for someone. And that's a little thing. But I can choose to create the thoughts inside me. I am significant. And the tricky part is then.

No need for a response because then it becomes external. But if we can do something for someone and no matter how we respond to it, feel that significance, that learning and growth and that being inside of me. And I can. Take that in and create that internally, then I have that significance. But if I get that box down and I need that person at the grocery store to say thank you or to respond in a particular way, that becomes external. But even if that person might be a little embarrassed that they couldn't get it themselves, they respond. Gruffly or I could have gotten it or, you know, if they do away in a manner that we then say, oh, that's not the response I needed to feel significant, but we can. But we just think, maybe I still help them, you know? I did my part, and they might be a little right now, but who knows what impact that will have down the road, but I know it will have an effect. So those kinds of thoughts and beliefs, taking it internally and not needing something externally, really helps our children. And it helps us as parents when we're aware of it when we try and use our children to meet our significance. My child has to have the best grades because then I feel significant as a parent, right? Or my child has to hug and kiss me every time we say goodbye because then I think it's important. Right. When we require something from somebody else, we meet our needs externally. And then the second part of how that helps us as a parent is we play a role in our children's behaviors when they're related to the significance or pretty much any other things. But since we're talking about relevance, if our child wasn't getting that significance, meaning helpfully or beneficially, or in what we might call that positive praise way, which again is just as damaging. It's just as damaging as if they try to see it negatively. But let's use that example of yelling at the mother.

When we've asked them to do something right, or they swear at us, or do things like that, they're meeting their significance at that moment. But we continue that depending on how we respond. If we react in a way that doesn't give them that significance, which is pretty much responding back in anger or grumpiness or with expectations of how they should behave, but we respond to that with unconditional love, then they're like, oh. That doesn't really meet that need of significance to act this way. But when we play into it, right when we get these cycles, they do this; we do that. We do this; we do that. Then we perpetuate those behaviors and help them meet those needs externally instead of internally. And I'll say this because I say it like every time. That can be tricky because that doesn't mean we just allow all behaviors. It means we respond calmly and let them know how we will act. You know, you know, you choose to yell at me. And so when that happens, I'm going to decide to do this from my understanding, my thoughts, my beliefs, then I'm going to choose to do this, you know, not because of them, not because of them, but because of our thoughts and our beliefs. That brings a negative energy into our home. And that's why my thoughts and opinions are that's not what I want in my home. So when you choose to do that, then I'm going to choose to, you know? Add a chore on or ask you to do the service for somebody in the household. Or, you know, with whatever it is for you and for your child and for your situation and for the age. But we still act, we still respond, we still teach. But we try and do it with that love, that unconditional love. And, you know, as we let them know that we're still working on it, and that allows them to feel that unconditional love more, even when we mess up as parents. And so that significance, right? Even when we try something with our child and it doesn't turn out exactly like we hoped it would, we can still feel significant because we love our child, and we're improving and learning every day. Remember, children are great by their very nature. And we have the privilege and the responsibility to learn from them. And to teach them.