Are there times you feel like you will miss out on something? When do you really have that urgent feeling? You have that urgent feeling again when you feel it in your body and you get that energy and it might come out well. We start making demands, we start making accusations, and that's kind of the thing that starts happening when we go into urgent mode. Now that was one reason for missing out on something.
Another reason we might begin to feel that urgency is we might have fear or worry or concern about being judged by other people, or if we've been trained this way, too. I feel judged by myself. I'm a good mother if my children go to school around, if my children go to school on time or I'm a good mother if the meals are ready and they get to all their sporting or dance or other activities, so we would judge ourselves or we could feel that being judged by others or I've got to look good for the teachers, I've got to look good for the other moms that are also dropping off their children
If I'm late for work, they might judge me for that. There are things that go on in our brain that create that urgency. Here's the thing, these are just patterns that we've developed, perhaps our parents. Some various other patterns with whatever it is for you, there are all kinds of patterns that might help us to feel that urgency and kind of notice when you feel urgent and that will allow you to begin to notice what patterns you have that are not helping you to raise the great kids that we have and patterns that we are passing on to our children in maintaining them ourselves. It's a win.
We look at the consequences or what happens when we have that urgency? I already talked about the kind of that feeling in our body that we get which can actually lead to poor health, not being able to digest our food well, all kinds of things, if we are in that state often or stay there for long periods of time. But then it also goes to our children and their emotions and their body. Again, they might feel our love is conditional. They might feel that they're responsible for how we feel. It is just something we have used 'cause other people have used it on us to manipulate other people into doing what we want.
When do you feel that urgency? How do your children feel when that happens or what response do you see in their body 'cause sometimes we'll see it in their eyes, sometimes we'll see it in the tenseness or the defensiveness or the posture of their body and really notice if we wanna learn how to switch not being urgent having a reason.
Why is it so important? Sometimes seeing the side effects of that urgency that we didn't realize we’re happy with. It can help us to be motivated to change that urgency. And how well do you think of our children? They're learning a lot about those things that really aren't helpful to them. But one of the reasons I had urgency in my life is 'cause. These things needed to be done because it's beneficial for my children. They need to be at school on time. They need to have all their homework. Done. They need to be kind to each other. They need to have a whole long list of things. And in my mind, there was only one way to get there by meeting these responsibilities but I wasn't teaching responsibility. I was teaching them to be aware so that she is a safe person to be around. But if we get rid of that urgency so that we can feel that unconditional love so that we can feel good.
How much more receptive children will be to the things we have to say. And that doesn't mean we don't teach children to be responsible. That's a whole another long discussion we could have, but just to be aware that being urgent does not teach our children responsibility and it does not really bring forth the relationship or the connection that we want with our children. So remember, children are great by their very nature, and we have that privilege and that responsibility to raise them.
